Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So. Much. Porn.
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