Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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