Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
