i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
