So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
