I faked an abortion last night.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
