There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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