about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He better not be in your backpack
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
