Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
