the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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