it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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