There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
this will be a night to untag.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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