We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
