I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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