I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
