he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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