I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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