so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
