Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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