shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
