I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
