Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
