I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
