I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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