I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
