Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
