I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
