Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
