I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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