My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
