ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
