K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
