btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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