so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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