I'm sorry my penis didn't work
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
