THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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