go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
