I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
