you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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