I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
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did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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