We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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