Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
