so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
