so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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