Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
this boner is exhausting
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
