So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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