I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
