I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
