i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
