Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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