You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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