did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
