Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
