I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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