Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
