i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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