this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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