We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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