she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
