if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
