He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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