no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
