the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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