the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
