too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
why is half of my head shaved?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
