Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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