you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
