I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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