You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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